Note to readers: This article marks the beginning of a brave new era for Chris the Ghostbuster. Read on for your chance to give orders to a stubborn boy/man who never listens to anyone.
I’m going to start this article off with a bit of a confession. Not that you’d really care, I feel the need to tell you that I am a chronically unorganized person. This fact rings true in all aspects of my life, from my constant tardiness to my complete disregard of “deadlines”. Again, you probably are wondering why you should bother caring about my issues. Hey, everyone’s got their own problems to worry about. Well, let me explain how this affects you readers.
If you recall last month’s article, you know that the plan was to do some exploring in the woods on the Redding/Easton line where I saw a graveyard in the woods. Well, I managed to accomplish about half of that task. I checked out the cemetery and some of the surrounding forest, but not nearly to the extent I would have liked. I blame the damn mosquitoes! Those bastards must have been starving, because I walked out of there looking like the exception to the “you only get chickenpox once” rule. Fearing for my life (West Nile ain’t no joke!), I fled the scene. Being the important and busy man that I am (laugh it up folks, laugh it up), I couldn’t find the time to get back there and finish the job. So, I promise to have everything all set for next month. I did snap some photos, and I’ll be chatting it up with some experts from the town to get some facts about that area. I’ll be organized by next article, I promise. In fact, I swear on a stack of Batman comics (yes, that’s my idea of sacred text).
So what the hell are we going to talk about this month? Well, luckily I’ve been reading this amazing book that I’d like to share with you. Has anyone heard of Mark Moran and Mark Sceurman? They were the authors of a great book called Weird U.S. Well, they came out with another book that hits a little closer to home for us. I’m talking about Weird New England, by Joseph A. Citro. This book is filled with crazy places all around here that you can go check out when you’re trying to fill the 30-day void between now and the next issue of this newspaper. Here are a few examples of the places I’ll be visiting this year.
In Salem, CT you can check out Gardner Lake, home to the phantom piano. Over 100 years ago, this guy living next to the lake decided he wanted to live on the other side (the grass is always greener). When the lake froze over, they dropped the house on some sleds and started pulling. It didn’t work. The house broke through the ice and sank to the bottom. Yes, the house still sits on the bottom of this lake with a great big piano inside of it. People around Gardner Lake continue to report hearing strange music without being able to say for sure where it comes from. You guessed it; Mozart was reincarnated as a fish.
In East Haddam, there are two interesting spots to check out. The first is the Devil’s Hopyard. While there, be sure to check out Chapman Falls, the spot where the devil reportedly hangs out on the rocks. People have claimed to see weird creatures around here, including five guys who said some type of demonic creatures attacked them almost ten years ago. East Haddam is also home to the Moodus Noises. These have been reported for centuries. Imagine hearing thunder that comes from underground. No one knows for sure the source of the noises, but there are a ton of interesting legends. You’ll just have to buy the book to read about them.
In Groton, you’ll find an ancient site on the top of a cliff called Gungywamp. Up there, you can see strange stone arrangements and unexplained ruins that date back hundreds of years before Christ walked on water. While there, make sure to check out the Cliff of Tears. People report strange feelings of sadness when they walk by this rock ledge. You may even shed a few tears, realizing how the site got its name.
Trumbull is home to the famous Dracula Drive, the Melonhead playground. Ever heard of the Melonheads? Most people I ask think I’m talking about a band. No, I’m talking about freaks with giant heads that live in the woods, possibly eating the occasional hiker or passerby. Whether they are science experiments or the results of disgusting inbreeding, they are a local legend that is here to stay.
The legend of the Melonheads spreads across Fairfield County, including a related story about a strange house in Monroe. When I say “House of the Faceless People”, what’s your reaction? For me, that arrangement of words scares the canola oil out of me. This huge boarded-up house sits in a desolate location on a back road in Monroe. They say it’s inhabited by an old caretaker and his faceless freaks, missing eyes and ears and looking ridiculously creepy. Check it out if you dare.
Speaking of desolate Connecticut roads, Hamden plays host to one of the
strangest. Beware Downs Road, for there is an evil lurking there more
terrifying than waking in the middle of the night to find a clown in
your bedroom. Wait, I retract that statement. That is about the
scariest thing imaginable. Anyway, some sort of demon creatures
supposedly live around Downs Road, clawing the sides of cars and
chasing teenagers. The area gives off a terrible feeling, causing even
the manliest man to wet his pants. While this has not been proven to
my knowledge, I intend to test my theory. Let’s hope my bladder can
handle the pressure.
There you have it. That about sums up the most interesting places in
Connecticut that I’ve come across during my reading so far. The book
has two entire sections devoted to ghosts and graveyards that I haven’t
gotten to yet. What, did you think I would rush through the book just
for you guys? Come on now, be realistic. Weird New England is a
delicacy that demands to be sipped slowly, not chugged down like some
cheap can of Red Dog (this author admits to several dances with the
Dog).
I suggest going out and picking up this book so you can all follow in
my footsteps. As it is, I’m going to put a little challenge out on the
table. Let it be clearly stated that I am going to be visiting all of
the places on this list at some point in the near future. First of
all, if anyone has any information or interesting stories regarding any
of those strange places, PLEASE bring them to my attention. Shoot me
an email; it’s down at the bottom of the article. I’ll give you credit
for the info in the article and it’ll make you famous, I swear. Other
than feeding me information, I’m leaving it up to you guys to determine
which of these places I’ll be visiting first. Would you dare me to
enter the House of the Faceless People? Would you force me to test my
bladder alone at night on Downs Road? Give me a challenge here. It
doesn’t even have to be one of these listed sites. If you know of some
other really weird or scary place that I haven’t mentioned, stop being
so greedy! Make me go there! I so rarely ask you guys to participate;
it’s time to take advantage of me. God, I know I’m going to regret
this.
Be safe, and happy hunting.
