Well, spring has finally arrived and another winter has been notched in my belt. Looks like I survived, not that there was a hell of a lot of inclement weather. Still, aren’t you lucky to have me support your need for a ghostbusting fix? If you tuned in last month, you know I spent my winter watching movies in my living room. I gave you a little review of a bunch of movies you can watch to keep you in a spooky mood. Staying on topic, we’re going to have a little chat about another ghost-related service your television can provide. Thanks for tuning in, folks; it’s time for Ghost TV.

They’re celebrities, they’re making money and traveling, they’re… carrying ga-ga meters?? No, it’s not The Twilight Zone(as if those actors ever made oodles of green). If you have cable, you’ve been exposed to the plethora of shows that deal with ghosts and hauntings. They’re all over the place, and damn are they popular! We have a whole new generation of spooky spokespeople to educate and entertain the masses. Did I mention they’re getting paychecks for this? Where do I sign up?

If you watch the Sci-Fi Network, you’ve seen Ghost Hunters. These big-budget boys get all the fame and fortune. If you’ve been a loyal reader, you know how much I hate them. What? Did you just say I’m jealous? Although you might be right, I also think they’re a bunch of phony morons who are just in it for kicks. Sure, their crew spends endless hours reviewing footage and recordings, but what do the two main guys do? PR? It’s a load of crap, if you ask me. Because they have the big recognizable name, they get some of the better, albeit undeserved, cases. You can actually see the evolution from season to season. After T.A.P.S. became a household name (much like Roto-Rooter), people all over the place started calling them for their “service.” You know who wouldn’t call them? This guy right here (yes, my thumbs are pointing to my chest). I just can’t seem to warm up to these guys. I don’t even think I’d tip them if they came to fix my toilet (abused after a long night of exorcising my own personal demons). I’m sure Sci-Fi Network will pick up the tab.

On the other hand, you have Paranormal State on The Discovery Channel. This guy Ryan is no joke. He’s out there for the real reasons and the right reasons. In my opinion, he’s out there doing the real ghostbusting. Not just looking for ghosts and some proof, he knows they already exist and wants to help them pass on to whatever fate awaits them. He’s a true humanitarian for the living and the dead. Apparently, he had some type of “serious spiritual experience” in his past that led him to this type of work. He did his first expedition at the ripe young age of 15, and I applaud him for it. I don’t care what you say; I believe the guy. Now, I’m just talking about the leader of the pack. The rest of his team just makes me laugh. Did you see the episode where that “medium” was on the boat chanting names of angels (in ridiculous pronunciation/ enunciation)? What the hell was the purpose of the boat anyway? Weren’t they trying to clear the house of the ghost? Yet, she’s gotta be out in the lake doing the safety dance for all her new-age groupies. They should decorate her with astrology advertisements like a car running the Daytona 500.

Since these shows have been on, I’ve noticed an increase in the amount of documentaries and specials that pertain to the paranormal. The word is out and people are digging it. You want it, you love it, and you can’t get enough of it. These shows aren’t just restricted to the Halloween season anymore. You can watch a study of werewolves right after A Charlie Brown Christmas. As you can imagine, this makes me the proverbial kid in the candy store. I hate American Idol. I go ape-shit for the paranormal. Conclusion? I’m watching entirely too much television these days.

Show of hands, who hates me for bashing the T.A.P.S. dudes? Put your hands down; I don’t care. You’re not going to change my mind about them any more than I could change your mind about the evil of Harry Potter (completely disregarding the Bible Belt’s religious hatred of him). As I’ve said before, check out the Books of Magic comic books to see the real Harry Potter.

Anyway, I’m about done with my rant about the new haunted television in all of your living rooms. If you haven’t seen any of these shows, I urge you to test the waters. Don’t let me tell you what your opinion is. Check your local listings!

Speaking of opinions, I should mention that this article was heavily influenced by the man with ALL the opinions. A man of unwavering conviction who will argue the Devil back into heaven one day, just after convincing the Pope to father an illegitimate child to prove his aversion to abortion. If you haven’t guessed already, I’m talking about Colm M. Connor). He should’ve been a lawyer.

Be safe, and happy hunting. Chris the Ghostbuster can be reached at