Valentine’s Day. The very name conjures up images of lovers celebrating their relationship by going out for a nice meal, exchanging gifts, or in some other way declaring their love for each other. Husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends – it’s a tradition that almost everyone seems to get in on, and even look forward to. But what about secret lovers? Yes, secret lovers. By most estimates somewhere between 50% and 70% of married or otherwise attached people become involved in affairs at some point in their relationships. If you include emotional infidelity and cyber infidelity, that number could rise as high as 85%. Some (perhaps most) of this number is made up of basically short-term physical encounters, but what of the rest? What about the people who are carrying on truly emotional relationships outside of their marriage or partnership? What do they do come Valentine’s Day to celebrate that bond?

That question leads to some interesting statistics. For instance, while Valentine’s Day is traditionally a very busy day for most restaurants, the day before is rumored to be even busier. Why? Because people who are cheating on their spouses can not very comfortably or safely go out for dinner on Valentine’s Day, when the married partner (or partners) in the relationship must be with their significant other. What to do? Many go out the night before – the next best thing. Of course most restaurant owners can not verify exactly who is sitting at their tables on any given night, let alone their marital status, but it is a fact that the day before Valentine’s Day rivals the following day for dinner reservations at many establishments.

Surprisingly (or maybe not so surprisingly) Valentine’s Day has become a weapon in the hands of people who believe they are victims of infidelity and even many private investigators who are hired by them. The National Retail Federation reports that Americans spend at least $13 billion each year on Valentine’s gifts, and that a large portion of that is spent by cheaters buying gifts for their secret lovers. These gifts often prove to be the undoing of the cheater since many of the gifts are bought, prepared, or delivered in person. What’s more, these purchases can leave a paper trail that a spouse or an investigator will use to catch the cheater in the act. Also, assuming that the more romantic cheaters will want to call or visit their secret lover on that special day, many spouses have taken to using GPS systems or a simple check of phone records to catch them in the act, even if their spouse has been very careful up to that point.

So who is doing all this cheating, anyway? According to Private Investigator Darren Versiga, more men hire private investigators to check on their spouse or lover as compared to women. Are more women cheating, or are more men paranoid? Traditionally, surveys regarding relationships, sexual behavior, extramarital affairs, etc., have had to be taken with a grain of salt because it is hard to trust the respondents’ answers – there are simply too many reasons to lie. For instance, a quick overview of cheating statistics comparing men to women will show that more and more women are cheating every year. But is that true? It is generally believed that going back 40, or even 30 years, more men said they had affairs to appear macho, and more women denied it to appear more proper, making the survey results skewed at best. These days, most polls still put men ahead in physical cheating, but women ahead in emotion cheating, or bonding with another man for comfort, support, etc. But according to a 2006 survey by condom makers Durex, 40% of women cheat on their lovers, compared with 34 % of men, even though men reportedly think about it significantly more.

One thing’s for certain, as people try to get more adept at having secret affairs without getting caught, others are fast becoming more adept at catching them cold. Sometimes, this can entail the simplest things. According to the U.S. Greeting Card Association, approximately one billion valentines are sent each year worldwide (women purchase approximately 85%), making the day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year next to Christmas. Of course, what is mailed, must be received, and some times that’s all it takes – the wrong envelope from the wrong sender in the wrong mailbox, at home or at work (where many affairs begin).

How strongly is Valentine’s Day associated with affairs? A Valentine’s Day Infidelity Awareness Campaign was started four years ago in Houston, Texas specifically to raise awareness of this link. Each year the campaign focuses on another way to catch cheaters in the act.

So where are we? What’s PC now will not be PC tomorrow. Will, “Have a Happy Other Valentine’s Day,” ever become a proper greeting? Probably not. But you do have to ask… is this large number of affairs happening all around us a sign that romance is dead, or proof that it is flourishing, albeit in some very awkward ways? I suppose the answer lies in which day you’re celebrating… Valentine’s Day, or the other.